英語(yǔ)經(jīng)典小笑話(huà)集錦
死后重生
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.
“你相信人能死后重生嗎?”老板問(wèn)他的一個(gè)員工。 “我相信，先生”。這位剛上班不久的員工回答。 “哦，那還好”。老板接著(zhù)說(shuō)。 “你昨天提早下班去參加你祖母的葬禮后，她老人家到這兒看你來(lái)了。”
輕率的插話(huà)
The fine-furniture store where I work has been in business since the 1920s. Recently I received a call from a woman who wanted to replace some chairs from a dining set purchased from us in the 1930s. I assured her we could help and sought the assistance of the office manager. "You'll never believe this one, " I told him." I just got a call from a customer who bought some chairs from us in the 1930s. " Before I could finish repeating her request, he interrupted and said, "Don't tell me she hasn't received them yet!"
我所工作的精品家具商店是從20世紀二十年代以來(lái)就營(yíng)業(yè)的.。最近我接到一個(gè)婦女的電話(huà)。她想換一套餐具中的一些椅子。這套餐具她是在三十年代從我們這兒買(mǎi)的。我向她保證說(shuō)我們可以幫她的忙，于是我向部門(mén)經(jīng)理尋求幫助。“你永遠也不會(huì )相信，”我對他說(shuō)，“我剛接到一個(gè)顧客的電話(huà)，她在三十年代從我們這里買(mǎi)了一些椅子。” 我還沒(méi)來(lái)得及說(shuō)她的要求，經(jīng)理就打斷了我的話(huà)：“你別告訴我她到現在還沒(méi)收到貨!”
他什么都沒(méi)聽(tīng)到
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."
我在郵局上班，對于顧客們的各種情緒早已習以為常了。所以，有一天當一個(gè)生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來(lái)到我的工作臺時(shí)，我還是非常平靜地問(wèn)她，“有什么問(wèn)題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說(shuō)，“我回到家的時(shí)候，我看到一個(gè)卡片，卡片說(shuō)郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒(méi)人在家�？墒俏业恼煞蛘麄�(gè)早上都在家啊。他說(shuō)他什么都沒(méi)聽(tīng)到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹給了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顧客喜形于色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什么好東西?”我問(wèn)。“我丈夫的新助聽(tīng)器”。
他什么都沒(méi)聽(tīng)到
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."
我在郵局上班，對于顧客們的各種情緒早已習以為常了。所以，有一天當一個(gè)生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來(lái)到我的工作臺時(shí)，我還是非常平靜地問(wèn)她，“有什么問(wèn)題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說(shuō)，“我回到家的時(shí)候，我看到一個(gè)卡片，卡片說(shuō)郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒(méi)人在家�？墒俏业恼煞蛘麄�(gè)早上都在家啊。他說(shuō)他什么都沒(méi)聽(tīng)到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹給了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顧客喜形于色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什么好東西?”我問(wèn)。“我丈夫的新助聽(tīng)器”。
電腦問(wèn)題
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve. She could not print yellow. All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow. I had the customer change ink cartridges，delete and reinstall the drivers. Nothing worked. I asked my coworkers for help; they offered no new ideas. After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly, "Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of yellow paper?"
我在惠普公司打印機部做技術(shù)支持工作已經(jīng)有一個(gè)月了，有一天我接到一位客戶(hù)的電話(huà)，她的問(wèn)題我沒(méi)辦法解決。她的問(wèn)題是：打印機不能打出來(lái)黃色，但是其它顏色都正常。這讓我覺(jué)得很納悶，因為三原色就是藍、紅、黃。我建議客戶(hù)更換墨盒、刪了驅動(dòng)程序然后重新安裝，但是都沒(méi)有效果。我咨詢(xún)同事們，他們也不知道該怎么辦。經(jīng)過(guò)兩個(gè)多小時(shí)的交涉，我打算讓客戶(hù)把打印機寄給我們，這時(shí)候她平靜地說(shuō)了一句：“我是不是應該把這張黃紙扔了換一張白紙再打印試試。”
精神病醫生
Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!"
杰瑞去看精神病醫生。“醫生，我有些不對勁。每次睡覺(jué)的時(shí)候，我都感覺(jué)有人在床下。我要瘋了!”“給我一年時(shí)間，”醫生說(shuō)，“每周來(lái)三次，我會(huì )治好你。”“費用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我會(huì )認真考慮的。”杰瑞答道。六個(gè)月后醫生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“為什么你再也沒(méi)來(lái)呢?”醫生問(wèn)。“一次一百塊錢(qián)嗎?有個(gè)酒吧服務(wù)生收了十塊錢(qián)就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他讓我把床腿鋸掉�，F在那沒(méi)人了!”
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