精選幽默英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)
兄弟倆的對話(huà)
Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父親在哪兒?
兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫(huà)。
“看，”哥哥說(shuō)，“這些畫(huà)多漂亮呀!”
“是啊，”弟弟說(shuō)道，“可是在所有這些畫(huà)中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”
哥哥想了會(huì )兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當時(shí)正在畫(huà)這些畫(huà)唄。”
汽車(chē)配件 Automobile Fittings
A lorry driver makes inquiry of a mountaineer, "Excuse me, where can I buy the auto accessories(附件) in the neighborhood?"
Mountaineer says, "Some people usually drive heroic car on the road. There is a abrupt turn(急轉彎) ahead not far from here, and a clough(深谷) just below it, where you can find all kinds of the auto accessories. You will spend no money at all."
一個(gè)卡車(chē)司機向一山民打聽(tīng)：“請問(wèn)，這附近哪兒能買(mǎi)到汽車(chē)配件?”
山民說(shuō)：“這條路上經(jīng)常有人開(kāi)英雄車(chē)，前面不遠處是個(gè)急轉彎，急轉彎的下面就是深谷，那深谷里什么樣的汽車(chē)配件都有——根本用不著(zhù)花錢(qián)。”
拍賣(mài)會(huì )上 At Auction Fair
At auction spot, someone has lost a bag, in which has the vital document.
The owner says, "Once who picked it up brings it to me, I will take out 200 dollars to remunerate reward him or her."
On hearing the news, another chap(小伙子，家伙) shouts out:" I reward 300 dollars."
拍賣(mài)會(huì )上，有人的包丟了，里面裝有重要文件。物主說(shuō)：“有誰(shuí)揀到送還，我將拿出200美元以表酬謝。”
話(huà)剛出口，就聽(tīng)有人喊：“我出300美元。”
The Doctor Knows Better
A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."
"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.
Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."
"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"
一個(gè)男人在街上被出租車(chē)撞倒送進(jìn)了醫院。他的妻子站在他的床前對醫生說(shuō)：“我想他傷得很厲害。”
醫生說(shuō)：“恐怕他已經(jīng)死了。”
聽(tīng)到醫生的話(huà)，這個(gè)男人轉動(dòng)著(zhù)頭說(shuō)：“我沒(méi)死，我還活著(zhù)。”
妻子說(shuō)：“安靜，醫生比你懂得多。”
I Don't Need to Steal Any More
The owner of a large department store went over hisbooks and discovered that his most trusted employee had stolenover a million dollars from the firm.“I want no scandal，” saidthe owner.“I'll just fire you.” The employee replied，“True，I robbed your firm of quitea tidy sum. I now have yachts， a country mansion， jewelry，and every luxury you can think of. I don't need a thing， sowhy hire somebody else and have him start from scratch?”
一家大百貨店的.老板在查帳中發(fā)現，他最信任的雇員從公司偷走了一百多萬(wàn)美元。“我不要丑聞。”老板說(shuō)。“我只要開(kāi)除你。”那個(gè)雇員回答說(shuō)：“不錯，我是偷了你公司相當一大筆錢(qián)�，F在我有游艇、一座鄉村別墅、珠寶，以及你能想到的一切 奢侈品。我什么都不需要了，你為什么要再雇個(gè)人來(lái)，讓他從頭做起呢?”
合理的憂(yōu)傷
On his deathbed poor Lubin lies; His spouse is in despair; With frequent sobs and mutual cries; They both express their care. “A different cause，”says Parson Sly， “The same effect may give： Poor Lubin fears that he may die ; His wife，that he may live”.
馬修·普賴(lài)厄 可憐的魯賓躺在他的病床里; 他的妻子陷入絕望; 頻頻啜泣，相對哭啼， 他們都表達著(zhù)憂(yōu)傷。 “不同原因，”滑頭牧師說(shuō)， “可產(chǎn)生同樣結果： 可憐的魯賓怕他會(huì )死; 他老婆，怕他會(huì )活。”
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