幽默搞笑段子英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)

　　人們什么時(shí)候說(shuō)話(huà)最少?

　　Teacher: What is the plural of man,Tom?

　　老師: 湯姆，“男人”這個(gè)詞的復數形式是什么?

　　Tom: Men.

　　湯姆:男人們。

　　Teacher: Good. And the plural of child?

　　老師: 答得好。那“孩子”的復數形式呢?

　　Tom : Twins.

　　湯姆: 雙胞胎。

　　Boss's idea

　　When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.

　　Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job myself.

　　Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

　　"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repair things themselves first."

　　由于我的打印機不能打印出清晰的字來(lái)，我就打電話(huà)給維修部。電話(huà)是一位非常和藹的男人接的，他說(shuō)我的打印機也許只是需要清理一下。

　　他還說(shuō)，如果讓維修部清理的話(huà)要交50英鎊的清理費，讓我最好看看使用手冊自己試著(zhù)清理。

　　當時(shí)我真的被他的話(huà)感動(dòng)了，就問(wèn)他：“你們老板知道你這樣拒絕生意么?”

　　“事實(shí)上，這就是我們老板的主意，”雇員答道：“因為如果我們讓用戶(hù)先自行修理打印機的話(huà)就能掙更多的錢(qián)。”

　　Good news or Bad news?

　　An artist was part of an exhibition, and he asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings that were currently on display.

　　"I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied.

　　"Give me the good news first," the artist demanded.

　　"The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

　　"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What could the bad news possibly be?"

　　With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The gentleman in question was your doctor."

　　以為藝術(shù)家在一個(gè)畫(huà)廊辦了個(gè)展覽，他問(wèn)店主是否有人對他參展的畫(huà)感興趣。

　　“我有一個(gè)好消息和一個(gè)壞消息。”店主回答。

　　“先告訴我好消息。”畫(huà)家要求道。

　　“好消息是一位紳士詢(xún)問(wèn)了你的作品，還問(wèn)它是否會(huì )在你死后增。我告訴他會(huì )的，然后他買(mǎi)下了你所有的15幅畫(huà)作。”

　　“那太棒了!”畫(huà)家驚嘆。“那么什么會(huì )是壞消息呢?”

　　店主想了想之后說(shuō)：“問(wèn)那個(gè)問(wèn)題的是你的醫生”。

　　有效

　　Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"

　　湯姆早上老起不來(lái)，所以上班總是遲到。他的老板非常生氣，警告他如果他不能有所改善的話(huà)就炒他的魷魚(yú)。于是，湯姆去看醫生，醫生給了他一顆藥丸并告訴他要在睡覺(jué)前服下這顆藥。湯姆照醫生的話(huà)做了，睡得非常之好，事實(shí)上，他在早上鬧鐘響之前就起來(lái)了。湯姆從容不迫地吃完早餐，然后興高采烈地開(kāi)車(chē)上班去了。 “老板”，湯姆說(shuō)，“那藥真管用，我的睡眠好極了!” “是夠管用的，”老板說(shuō)，“問(wèn)題是，昨天你人哪去了”?

　　兩塊蛋糕

　　Two Pieces of Cake

　　Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?

　　Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!

　　湯姆：媽媽?zhuān)�我可以吃�(xún)蓧K蛋糕嗎?

　　媽媽?zhuān)寒斎豢梢?---拿這塊蛋糕把它切成兩塊吧!

　　離婚

　　A husband and wife,both 91,stood before a judge,asking for a divorce."I don't understand,"He said,"Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"

　　the husband explained "Well , you see,We wanted to wait until the children died."

　　有一個(gè)丈夫和妻子都是91歲，他們站在法官面前，要求離婚。“我不明白，”法官說(shuō)，“你們?yōu)槭裁吹搅诉@把年紀還要離婚?”

　　丈夫解釋道：“嗯，你是知道的，我們以前是喲等到孩子們都死了。”

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