英語(yǔ)的幽默笑話(huà)集
1、Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.""Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied."Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.
在期末考試之前，湯姆告訴他的母親：“媽媽?zhuān)易蛱焱砩献隽艘粋�(gè)夢(mèng)，夢(mèng)見(jiàn)我通過(guò)了今天的考試。”“不要相信夢(mèng)，親愛(ài)的。據說(shuō)夢(mèng)中的經(jīng)歷通常與現實(shí)相反。”媽媽答道。“那么，我真希望在今晚的`夢(mèng)中，我的其他功課都不及格。”湯姆說(shuō)。
2、A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. Well, sit down and eat your tea, said his mother. Your stomach's hurting because it's empty. It'll be all right when you've got something in it.
Shortly afterwards Dad come in from the office, complaining of a headache.
That's because it's empty, said his bright son. You'd be all right if you had something in it.
一個(gè)男孩放學(xué)回家時(shí)，覺(jué)得肚子痛。來(lái)，坐下，吃點(diǎn)點(diǎn)心，媽媽說(shuō)，你肚子痛是因為肚子是空的。吃點(diǎn)東西就會(huì )好的。
一會(huì )兒，男孩的爸爸下班回家了，說(shuō)是頭痛。
你頭痛是因為你的腦袋是空的，他那聰明的兒子說(shuō)，里面裝點(diǎn)東西，就會(huì )好的。
3、In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"
Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."
老師在課堂上向學(xué)生們展示了各種各樣的鳥(niǎo)的照片。然后他問(wèn)其中一名學(xué)生，“杰克，你最喜歡哪種鳥(niǎo)兒啊?”
杰克想了想，回答，“炸雞，老師。”
4、：I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭。 句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式。
我剛咬破自己的舌頭
“我們有毒嗎?”一個(gè)年幼的蛇問(wèn)它的母親。
“是的，親愛(ài)的，”她回答說(shuō)，“你問(wèn)這個(gè)干什么?”
“因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。”
5、How much English can you speak?
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to
be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his
way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
"法官先生，我的當事人被指控偷竊，這是多么不公正啊。他一周前才來(lái)到紐約，幾乎不認路。
而且，他只會(huì )說(shuō)幾個(gè)英語(yǔ)單詞。"
法官看了看被告，問(wèn)道："你會(huì )說(shuō)多少英文?"
被告抬起頭，說(shuō)："把你的錢(qián)包給我!"
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