英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)十則
你想在娛樂(lè )的過(guò)程中還可以學(xué)到更多的英語(yǔ)知識嗎?下面YJBYS小編為您整理的幾段英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)。鳥(niǎo)窩與頭發(fā)
我姐姐是一位小學(xué)老師.一次一個(gè)學(xué)生告訴她說(shuō)一只鳥(niǎo)兒在教室外 的樹(shù)上壘了個(gè)窩.
“是什么鳥(niǎo)呢?”我姐姐問(wèn)她.
“我沒(méi)看到鳥(niǎo)兒,老師,只看到鳥(niǎo)窩.”那孩子回答說(shuō).
“那么,你能給我們描述一下這個(gè)鳥(niǎo)巢嗎?”我姐姐鼓勵她道.
“哦,老師,就像你的頭發(fā)一樣.”
I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "
Notes:
(1) poisonous adj.有毒的
(2) Cause I've just bitten my tongue 因為我剛咬了自己的舌頭. 句中 Cause 是 Because 的縮略形式.
我剛咬破自己的舌頭
“我們有毒嗎?”一個(gè)年幼的蛇問(wèn)它的母親.
“是的,親愛(ài)的,”她回答說(shuō),“你問(wèn)這個(gè)干什么?”
“因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭.”
A Woman Who Fell
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York City's Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate, a plump, middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet?"
摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期,我匆匆奔向紐約豪華中心站去趕一趟火車(chē).接近門(mén)口,一位肥胖的中年婦女從后面沖過(guò)來(lái),沒(méi)想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了腳,仰面滑倒了.她的慣性使她接近了我的腳.我正準備扶她,她卻自己爬了起來(lái).她鎮定了一下,對我擠了一下眉,說(shuō)道：“總是有漂亮女人拜倒在你腳下嗎?”
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)(一)
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子會(huì )和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能會(huì )直接的想到它們倆是一大一小.但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以長(cháng)跳蚤,而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子.這個(gè)答案很有意思吧?
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了農夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定會(huì )生氣的;而如果你踩了農夫腳底的雞眼,他會(huì )更生氣.Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“雞眼”的意思.
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因為snail(蝸牛)的后背上總是背著(zhù)一所房子,所以說(shuō)蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的.你說(shuō)呢?
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces這個(gè)短語(yǔ),你可千萬(wàn)別以為是在鐘表廠(chǎng)工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀!因為除了這個(gè)意思以外,它還可以從字面上解釋為制造鐘面.
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎樣才能不讓夢(mèng)游者(sleepwalker)夢(mèng)游(walk in his sleep)呢?最簡(jiǎn)單的方法就是不讓他睡覺(jué).雖然這不是治療方法,但如果讓夢(mèng)游者醒著(zhù)呢,他的確就不會(huì )去夢(mèng)游了.
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)(二)
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一個(gè)大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000個(gè)人.
-- 他真是一個(gè)大人物.干什么的?
-- 墓地守墓人.
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)(三)
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它們是從美國直接帶來(lái)的
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來(lái)不久,到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元.在銀行柜臺,銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票,看是否有假.
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩,最后實(shí)在忍耐不住說(shuō)：“相信我,先生,也請你相信這些鈔票.這都是真正的美元,它們是從美國直接帶來(lái)的.”
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)(四)my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不識字
布朗夫人：哦,
親愛(ài)的,我把珍愛(ài)的小狗給丟了!
史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告啊!
布朗夫人：沒(méi)有用的,我的小狗不認識字.”
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)(五)Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
給我那個(gè)打贏(yíng)的吧
-- 服務(wù)員,
這個(gè)龍蝦只有一只爪.
-- 對不起,先生,這只肯定打過(guò)架了.
-- 哦, 那給我那個(gè)打贏(yíng)的吧.
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)(六)The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝嗇鬼請客
一個(gè)出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請一次客了.他在向一個(gè)朋友解釋怎么找到他家時(shí)說(shuō)：“你上到五樓,找中間那個(gè)門(mén),然后用你的胳膊肘按門(mén)鈴.門(mén)開(kāi)了之后,再用你的腳把門(mén)推開(kāi).”
“為什么要用我的肘和腳呢?”
“你的雙手得拿禮物啊.天哪,你總不會(huì )空著(zhù)手來(lái)吧?”吝嗇鬼回答.
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)(七)Advice for "Kid"
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."
忠告“年輕者”
這里想對將要退休者提一點(diǎn)忠告.如果你只有65歲的話(huà),
千萬(wàn)別進(jìn)退休社區.因為那里人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了.每當要搬東西,抬東西或者裝東西時(shí),他們就叫喊,“讓小的干吧.”
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)(八)Which woman?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
哪一位女人?
一天晚上我開(kāi)著(zhù)丈夫的車(chē)去購物,回來(lái)后發(fā)現車(chē)身沾滿(mǎn)灰塵,于是擦洗了一陣.當我終于走進(jìn)屋里時(shí)大聲喊：“世界上最?lèi)?ài)你的女人剛擦洗了你的車(chē)燈和擋風(fēng)玻璃.”
我丈夫抬頭看了看,說(shuō)：“媽媽來(lái)了?”
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)(九)The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
醫生住在樓下
“醫生”她沖進(jìn)屋后大聲說(shuō)道.
“我想讓你坦率地說(shuō)我到底得了什么病.”
他從頭到腳打量打量她,然后大聲說(shuō)：“太太,我有三件事要對你說(shuō).第一,您的體重需要減少大約50磅;第二,如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅,您的美貌將會(huì )改變.第三,我是一位畫(huà)家——醫生住在樓下.”
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)(十)One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一個(gè)引擎
一架747客機正在跨越大西洋時(shí),喇叭里傳來(lái)了機長(cháng)的聲音：“旅客們請注意,我們的四個(gè)引擎中有一個(gè)丟失了.但剩下的三個(gè)引擎會(huì )把我們帶到倫敦的.只是我們要因此晚到一小時(shí) .” 過(guò)了一會(huì )兒,旅客們又聽(tīng)到機長(cháng)的聲音：“各位,你們猜怎么啦?我們剛又掉了第三個(gè)引擎.但請你們相信好了.只有一個(gè)引擎我們也能飛,但要晚三個(gè)小時(shí)了.” 正在這時(shí),一位乘客非常氣憤地說(shuō)：“看在上帝的份上,如果我們再掉一個(gè)引擎,我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了.”
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