英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)爆笑帶翻譯
會(huì )講笑話(huà)的人都是有好人緣的人，所以我們要多親近一些笑話(huà)大王們�，F在小編也來(lái)當笑話(huà)大王啦!小編給大家收集整理了爆笑帶翻譯的英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)，一起來(lái)笑笑，收集好人緣吧!
英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)爆笑帶翻譯 篇1
One day a man came home from work to find total chaos in the house. The kids were laying outside in the mud, still in their pajamas.
When he opened the door, he found an even bigger mess: dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table and a pile of sand by the back door. The family room was strewn with toys, and a lamp had been knocked over.
He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife. He was becoming worried that she might be ill or that something terrible had happened to her.
He found her in the bedroom still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a magazine.
She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day had gone.
He looked at her, bewildered(困惑的), and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know, every day, you come home from work and ask me what I did today."
"Yes," was his reply.
She answered, "Well, today, I didnt do it!"
一天，一個(gè)人下班回到家，發(fā)現屋子外面一片狼籍。孩子們還穿著(zhù)睡衣，滿(mǎn)身是泥地躺在外面。
打開(kāi)房門(mén)，他發(fā)現屋子里面更亂。櫥柜上堆著(zhù)盤(pán)子，地上散落著(zhù)狗食，桌子下面有一只打碎的玻璃杯，后門(mén)旁還有一堆沙子。家庭娛樂(lè )室里堆滿(mǎn)了玩具，還有一盞燈翻倒在地上。
他邁過(guò)散落在樓梯上的玩具，上樓去找他的妻子。他開(kāi)始擔心她生病了或是發(fā)生了什么可怕的事情。
他發(fā)現她還穿著(zhù)睡衣躺在床上，在看一本雜志。
她抬頭看到他，笑著(zhù)問(wèn)他今天過(guò)得怎么樣。
他看著(zhù)她，困惑地問(wèn)：“今天發(fā)生什么事情了?”
她笑著(zhù)問(wèn)道：“你每天下班回家都會(huì )問(wèn)我今天做什么了�！�
“沒(méi)錯啊，”他說(shuō)。
她說(shuō)：“是這樣的，今天，我沒(méi)做什么!”
英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)爆笑帶翻譯 篇2
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog.
He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
"I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "Thats the smartest dog Ive ever seen."
"Nah, hes not so smart," the friend replied. "Ive beaten him three games out of five."
某人去朋友家拜訪(fǎng)，發(fā)現朋友竟然在跟自家的狗下象棋，大為錯愕。
他旁觀(guān)了一會(huì )兒，當時(shí)就震驚了。
“我簡(jiǎn)直不敢相信!”他大叫，“我從沒(méi)見(jiàn)過(guò)那么聰明的狗!”
“哪里聰明了，”朋友回答，“五局中我贏(yíng)了三局呢!”
英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)爆笑帶翻譯 篇3
xpensive Price
Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.
Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.
昂貴的代價(jià)
牙科醫生：對不起，夫人，為給您的兒子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。
母親：二十五美元!可是我知道您拔一顆牙只要五美元呀?
牙科醫生：是的。但是您兒子這么大聲地叫喚，他都嚇跑四位病人了
I Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我沒(méi)有睡著(zhù)
當一群婦女上車(chē)之后，車(chē)上的座位全都被占滿(mǎn)了。售票員注意到一名男子好象是睡著(zhù)了，他擔心這個(gè)人會(huì )坐過(guò)站，就用肘輕輕地碰了碰他，說(shuō)：“先生，醒醒!”
“我沒(méi)有睡著(zhù)�！蹦莻�(gè)男人回答。
“沒(méi)睡著(zhù)?可是你眼睛都閉上了呀?”
“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在擁擠的車(chē)上有女士站在我身邊而已�！�
The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可憐的丈夫
“你根本無(wú)法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難，”一個(gè)男人對他的朋友訴苦說(shuō)，“她問(wèn)我一個(gè)問(wèn)題，然后自己回答了，過(guò)后又花半個(gè)小時(shí)跟我解釋為什么我的.答案是錯的�！�
Who's More Polite?
A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
誰(shuí)更有禮貌?
一個(gè)胖子和一個(gè)瘦子在爭論誰(shuí)更有禮貌。瘦子說(shuō)他更有禮貌，因為他經(jīng)常對女士摘帽示意。但是胖子認為他更有風(fēng)度，因為無(wú)論什么時(shí)候他在車(chē)上給別人讓座時(shí)，總有兩位女士能坐下。
Let Dog in Hotel
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."
一個(gè)人給一家他計劃在假期里停留的小旅館寫(xiě)了封信，“我非常希望帶著(zhù)我的狗，它很干凈很有教養，你能允許它和我睡一間屋子嗎?”
旅館主人立即回了封信，“我經(jīng)營(yíng)旅館很多年了，狗從沒(méi)偷過(guò)毛巾，床單， 餐具，或者墻上的畫(huà)。我也從沒(méi)有在半夜因為狗喝醉胡鬧而趕走它，狗也從不不付帳就跑掉。實(shí)際上我們非常歡迎您的狗來(lái)我們旅館，如果它為您擔保，也歡迎您來(lái)。
Intelligent son
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
"Certainly"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why you didn't take it back?"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
聰明的兒子
有一天,父親讓八歲的兒子去寄一封信,兒子已經(jīng)拿著(zhù)信跑了,父親才想起信封上沒(méi)寫(xiě)地址和收信人的名字。
兒子回來(lái)后,父親問(wèn)他:“你把信丟進(jìn)郵筒了嗎?” “當然”“你沒(méi)看見(jiàn)信封上沒(méi)有寫(xiě)地址和收信人名字嗎?”
“我當然看見(jiàn)信封上什么也沒(méi)寫(xiě)”“那你為什么不拿回來(lái)呢?”
“我還以為你不寫(xiě)地址和收信人,是為了不想讓我知道你把信寄給誰(shuí)呢!”
Does the dog know the proverb, too?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
狗也知道這個(gè)諺語(yǔ)嗎?
一個(gè)小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。
“沒(méi)有關(guān)系，”一位先生說(shuō)，“不用害怕，你知道這條諺語(yǔ)嗎：‘吠狗不咬人�！�
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎?”
英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)爆笑帶翻譯 篇4
Early Shopper
采購過(guò)早
It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked.
那天是圣誕節，法官在審訊犯人時(shí)也有點(diǎn)惻隱之心�！澳銥槭裁炊黄鹪V?”他問(wèn)。
"Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
“采購圣誕節物品過(guò)早�！北桓娲�。
"That's no offense," replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?"
“這不算犯法，”法官回答，“你購物多早?”
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.
在商店開(kāi)門(mén)之前，“犯人應道。
英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)爆笑帶翻譯 篇5
How Did You Ever Get Here
你是怎樣來(lái)的?
One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late. "It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two."
一個(gè)冬天的早晨，一名雇員解釋他為什么遲到了四十五分鐘才起來(lái)上班�！巴饷嫣�，我每向前邁一步，就要向后退兩步�！�
The boss eyed him suspiciously. "Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?"
老板狐疑地看著(zhù)他�！班�，是嗎?那你是怎樣到這里來(lái)的?”
"I finally gave up," he said, "and started for home."
“后來(lái)我決定放棄，”他說(shuō)，“然后我就往家里走�！�
英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)爆笑帶翻譯 篇6
我希望您的面包病好了
I was making rolls and, needing a warm place for the dough to rise, put the bowl in a heating pad. Then I left the house on an errand(使命，差事) . When I came back, I found this note from my son: "Dear Mom, I hope your bread gets better."
我在做面包，需要把面團放在一個(gè)暖和點(diǎn)的地方使它發(fā)起來(lái)。我把面盆放在電熱褥里，后來(lái)就出去干別的活去了。等我回家時(shí)，發(fā)現兒子留下一張紙條，上面寫(xiě)著(zhù)：“親愛(ài)的媽媽?zhuān)蚁Ｍ拿姘呀?jīng)病好了�！�
英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)爆笑帶翻譯 篇7
A Vacation Cruise
One stupid guy reads an ad about a vacation cruise that costs only $ 100.After he signs up and pays, the travel agent hits him with a bat, knocks him unconscious and throws him out the back door into the river. Soon another guy comes in, pays his fee and gets the same treatment.
Fifteen minutes later, as the two are floating down the river together, the first man says, "I wonder if they're serving any food on this cruise."
"I don' t know, the second guy replied. "They didn't last year."
假日巡航游
一愚笨之人讀到一則假日巡航游只須花100元的廣告。在他簽了字付了款后，旅游經(jīng)紀人用棒猛擊了他一下，把他打昏了過(guò)去，并把他從后門(mén)扔進(jìn)了河里。不久又來(lái)了一個(gè)人，付了錢(qián)并得到了相同的待遇。 十五分鐘后，這兩個(gè)人一起向河的下游漂去。第一個(gè)人說(shuō)：“不知道他們這次巡航游是否提供食物�！� “不知道，”第二個(gè)人說(shuō)道，“去年是沒(méi)有的�！�
英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)爆笑帶翻譯 篇8
One Side of the Case
一面之辭
A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand.
一位法官問(wèn)我們這群修補陪審員是否有人應當免權。一個(gè)人舉起了手。
"I can't hear out of my left ear," the man told the judge.
“我的左耳聽(tīng)不見(jiàn)�！蹦侨烁嬖V法官。
"Can you hear out of your right ear?" the judge asked. The man nodded his head.
“你的右邊耳朵聽(tīng)得見(jiàn)嗎?”法官問(wèn)道。那人點(diǎn)了點(diǎn)頭。
"You'll be allowed to serve on the jury," the judge declared. "We only listen to one side of the case at a time."
“你將被允許加入陪審團，”法官宣布�！拔覀兠看沃宦�(tīng)一面之辭。
英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)爆笑帶翻譯 篇9
1.A history teacher and his wife were sitting at a table
一位歷史老師和他的妻子在吃飯
the wife asked “Anything new at work”, and he replied", no, I am teaching History".
妻子問(wèn)到：“工作上有什么新鮮事嗎?”丈夫回答說(shuō)：“沒(méi)有，我是教歷史的�！�
2.A man was at the doctor's office. "Every time I drink a cup of coffee, Doctor, I have a stabbing pain in my right eye. What should I do?" he asked .
一位男子來(lái)到醫生的辦公室�！搬t生，每次我喝咖啡，我的右眼都有刺痛感。您說(shuō)我該怎么辦？”他問(wèn)道。
"Take the spoon out of your cup. " answered the doctor.
“把勺子從咖啡杯里拿出來(lái)�！贬t生回答說(shuō)。
3.To prevent our dog, Lacy, from pestering visitors to our house, my mother often massaged her as she lounged beneath the kitchen table, her favorite resting spot. One day a contractor came over to talk about a home-improvement project.
為避免我們的狗，萊希，糾纏來(lái)訪(fǎng)的客人，我母親常在愛(ài)犬喜歡呆的地方，即餐桌下面，摩昵它。一天，一個(gè)建筑商來(lái)談居室裝潢工程。
As he and my mother sat across the table discussing the renovations, my mother slipped off her shoes and mindlessly soothed Lacy with her feet.
在這人和我母親坐在餐桌邊談居室的修茸時(shí)，我母親滑脫了她的鞋子，開(kāi)始不經(jīng)意地用腳摩蹭起萊希來(lái)。
My mother had been talking for about a half-hour when to her great embarrassment she heard Lacy bark outside the front door.
談話(huà)進(jìn)行了半個(gè)小時(shí)的時(shí)候，我母親突然感到很不好意思起來(lái)，因為這時(shí)她聽(tīng)到了萊希在前門(mén)外的犬吠聲。
4.A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning.
一天早晨，一位黑人女人和一位金發(fā)女郎正走在公園里。
Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird
. 突然，黑人女人發(fā)現了一只死去的小鳥(niǎo)。
"Awww, look at the dead birdie," she says sadly.
“哦!看這只死去的小鳥(niǎo)�！彼瘋卣f(shuō)。
The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, "Where? Where?"
金發(fā)女郎停下了腳步，她抬頭望著(zhù)天空，問(wèn)道：“哪，在那?”
5.The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"教進(jìn)化論的老師已經(jīng)滔滔不絕地講了快兩個(gè)小時(shí)，他的話(huà)題又來(lái)了：“讓我向進(jìn)化論者提個(gè)問(wèn)題——如果我們曾經(jīng)像狒狒那樣長(cháng)著(zhù)尾巴，那么現在尾巴到哪里去了?”
"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".
“我來(lái)試試看，”一位老太太說(shuō)�！霸撌俏覀冊谶@里坐這么久把它們磨掉了吧�！�
6. A husband and wife,both 91,stood before a judge,asking for a divorce."I don't understand,"He said,"Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"the husband explained "Well , you see,We wanted to wait until the children died."
有一個(gè)丈夫和妻子都是91歲，他們站在法官面前，要求離婚�！拔也幻靼�，”法官說(shuō)，“你們?yōu)槭裁吹搅诉@把年紀還要離婚?”丈夫解釋道：“嗯，你是知道的，我們以前是喲等到孩子們都死了�！�
7."Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied."Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.
“你相信人能死后重生嗎?”老板問(wèn)他的一個(gè)員工。 “我相信，先生”。這位剛上班不久的員工回答。 “哦，那還好”。老板接著(zhù)說(shuō)。 “你昨天提早下班去參加你祖母的葬禮后，她老人家到這兒看你來(lái)了�！�
8.Little brother: I saw you kiss my elder sister, and if you don't give me a nickel I'll tell my father.弟弟：我看見(jiàn)你親我姐姐了，如果你不給我五分錢(qián)，我就告訴我爸。
Sister's boyfriend: No, don't do that. Here's a nickel.姐姐的男朋友：不要那樣做。給你五分錢(qián)。
Little brother: That makes a buck and a quarter I've made this month.弟弟：我這個(gè)月已經(jīng)賺了一塊兩毛五了。
9.s a stranger entered a little country store, he noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" he asked the owner. "Yep, that's him," came the reply. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner explained, "Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him!"
一名陌生人走進(jìn)一家鄉間小商店，看到玻璃門(mén)上帖著(zhù)的一個(gè)告示牌上寫(xiě)著(zhù)，“危險! 小心有狗!” 進(jìn)去后，他看到一條樣子一點(diǎn)都不兇的老狗趴在收款機旁邊的地板上睡覺(jué)。 “這就是大伙都得留神的那只狗啊?” 陌生人問(wèn)店主�！笆�，就是他”，店主回答。 聽(tīng)到這個(gè)回答， 陌生人覺(jué)得很好笑�！拔矣X(jué)得那條狗一點(diǎn)都不可怕。 你帖那個(gè)告示做什么?” “因為，” 店主解釋說(shuō)，“在我帖告示之前， 大伙老被他絆倒�！�
10.Younger Scout: How can I tell the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool?
年少的童子軍：我怎樣才能把蘑菇和毒蕈區別開(kāi)呢?
Older Scout: Just eat one before you go to bed. If you wake up the next morning, it was a mushroom.
年長(cháng)的童子軍：上床前吃一個(gè)。如果你第二天早上醒來(lái)，那就是蘑菇。
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