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中英文雙語(yǔ)笑話(huà)
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)(一)
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一個(gè)大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000個(gè)人。
-- 他真是一個(gè)大人物。干什么的?
-- 墓地守墓人。
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)(二)
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它們是從美國直接帶來(lái)的
一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來(lái)不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實(shí)在忍耐不住說(shuō)：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來(lái)的。”
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)(三)
The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
醫生住在樓下
“醫生”她沖進(jìn)屋后大聲說(shuō)道。
“我想讓你坦率地說(shuō)我到底得了什么病。”
他從頭到腳打量打量她，然后大聲說(shuō)：“太太，我有三件事要對你說(shuō)。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅;第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會(huì )改變。第三，我是一位畫(huà)家——醫生住在樓下。”
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)(四)
Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys?
Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night.
Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it.
Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.”
體育老師：孩子們，你們見(jiàn)過(guò)男女混合雙打嗎?
尼克：見(jiàn)過(guò)，老師，經(jīng)常見(jiàn)。就在昨天夜里我還見(jiàn)過(guò)呢!
老師：那你給大家講講當時(shí)的情形吧。
尼克：啊，對不起，老師。我爸爸常說(shuō):“家丑不可外揚。”
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)(五)
One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – if I Am a Manager.
All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.
“I am waiting for my secretary,” was the boy’s answer.
一天課上，老師要同學(xué)們以“如果我是一個(gè)經(jīng)理”為題寫(xiě)一篇作文。
所有的學(xué)生都在動(dòng)筆寫(xiě)了，只有一個(gè)男生例外。老師走過(guò)去問(wèn)他為什么不寫(xiě)。
“我在等我的秘書(shū)”。那孩子答道。
英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)(六)
A young businessman had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone."
一個(gè)年輕人剛剛開(kāi)始做生意，就租了一個(gè)漂亮的辦公室。一天，他坐在辦公室里，看到有一個(gè)人在外面，于是他就裝作生意很忙的樣子，拿起電話(huà)胡吹亂侃，還不停的甩出幾個(gè)大數字，好像在談一筆大買(mǎi)賣(mài)。
到了最后，他終于掛了電話(huà)，問(wèn)來(lái)訪(fǎng)的人，“有事兒嘛?”那個(gè)人回答，“我是來(lái)給你安裝電話(huà)的。”
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