小孩子最?lèi)?ài)的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)
Dream 夢(mèng)想
The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student. "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked.
"I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied.
"Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the impressed dean.
"No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it.
農校的招生辦主任在面試一個(gè)上線(xiàn)的學(xué)生，“你為何要選擇這個(gè)職業(yè)?”他問(wèn)。 “我夢(mèng)想以經(jīng)營(yíng)農場(chǎng)來(lái)賺一百萬(wàn)元，就像我父親一樣。”這個(gè)學(xué)生回答說(shuō)。 “你父親經(jīng)營(yíng)農場(chǎng)賺了一百萬(wàn)元?”主任驚詫地問(wèn)道。
“沒(méi)有，”這位申請人回答道，“他總是夢(mèng)想著(zhù)賺到這個(gè)數目。”
Wedding or Not
Uncle Frank, at 79, was a healthy and wealthy man, a lifelong bachelor. He courted a lot, he said, but "never boiled over-just simmered." On a whim, he decided to take a trip around the country to look up nearly a dozen old girlfriends.
Upon his return he exclaimed, "Whew! Thank goodness I never married any of those women - They're all widows now!
弗蘭克叔叔七十八歲了，富有而健康。他是個(gè)終生單身漢。他曾追求過(guò)很多女孩，但“從不過(guò)熱----見(jiàn)好就收”。一天他突發(fā)奇想，決定四處走走，去看看他那些接近一打的舊時(shí)女友。
他回來(lái)即嘆道：“噓!謝天謝地幸虧我沒(méi)娶那些女人中的任何一個(gè)。如今她們都成寡婦了!”
A Boy with a Big Head大頭娃娃
A boy cried to his mother, "All the children make fun of me. They say I have a big head."
"Don't listen to them," his mother said, "You have a beautiful head. Now stop crying and go to the store to buy twenty pounds of patotoes."
"Where is the shopping bag?"
"I haven't got one-use your hat."
一個(gè)小男孩向他母親哭訴道：“他們都取笑我，說(shuō)我腦袋大。” “別聽(tīng)他們的，”他母親安慰道，“你有一個(gè)很漂亮的'腦袋。好啦，別哭了，去商店買(mǎi)十斤土豆來(lái)。”
“購物袋在哪兒?”
“沒(méi)購物袋了----就用你的帽子吧。”
吝嗇鬼的聚會(huì )
The Mean Mans Party
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"
吝嗇鬼的聚會(huì )
一個(gè)聲名狼藉的小氣鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個(gè)朋友解釋怎么找到他家時(shí)說(shuō)：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門(mén)鈴。門(mén)開(kāi)了后，再用你的腳把門(mén)推開(kāi)。”
“為什么我要用我的肘和腳呢?”
“天哪!” 吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會(huì )空著(zhù)手來(lái)吧?”
Older Goats in America美國老羊
A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goats' milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced. She then asked, "What do you do with your older goats in America?"
A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"
一群美國人乘長(cháng)途汽車(chē)在荷蘭旅游。他們在一個(gè)奶酪場(chǎng)停下來(lái)。一位年輕的導游帶他們參觀(guān)了奶酪制作的全過(guò)程，解釋說(shuō)用的是羊奶。 她指給這群人一個(gè)美麗的山坡，山坡上許多羊在吃草。對這些，她解釋說(shuō)，是放逐草地的老羊，它們已不能再產(chǎn)奶。她然后問(wèn)道：“在美國你們怎樣處理老羊呢?”
一位活潑的老紳士回答說(shuō)：“他們讓我們乘車(chē)旅行!”
問(wèn)問(wèn)你自己的吧
Ask Your OwnIt was a cold，raw day at Washington.Champ Clark was discussing the gamins of the cities with an English visitor.The latter expatiated on the wit of the London type of the genius.Clark declared that if the Englishman were to ask any Washington street urchin any question，the urchin would make anaptreply.They sallied forth. “What time is it，Bub?They tell me you can tell time by your nose，”said the visitor to the first newsboy they met. “Ask your own，mister，mine ain't run nin’，”was the reply.
這是華盛頓的一個(gè)陰冷天。錢(qián)普·克拉克正和一個(gè)來(lái)訪(fǎng)的英國人討論城市的流浪兒，英國人詳細地敘述著(zhù)倫敦式天才的機智�？死诵Q(chēng)，要是對方向華盛頓街上任何一個(gè)兒童提任何問(wèn)題，那孩子都會(huì )對答如流。他們便出發(fā)了。 “什么時(shí)候了，小兄弟?人們說(shuō)你能用鼻子報時(shí)。” 回答是：“先生，問(wèn)問(wèn)你自己的吧，的不在走呢。”
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