好玩爆笑英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)
他什么都沒(méi)聽(tīng)到的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)確實(shí)讓人很開(kāi)心，你也來(lái)看看吧。
保證沒(méi)走錯To be on the Safe Side
In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer.
在一家電影院里，一名觀(guān)眾在演出期間站了起來(lái)，沿著(zhù)他那排位子走到休息室去了。
A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:
幾分鐘后，他回到那排位子并問(wèn)坐在首位的那位男士道：
"Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?"
“對不起，請問(wèn)我剛才出去的時(shí)候是踩著(zhù)你的腳嗎?”
"Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all."
“是的，不過(guò)沒(méi)什么關(guān)系，一點(diǎn)也不疼。”
"Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row."
“噢，不，我不是這個(gè)意思。我只是想確認一下這是不是我的那排位子。”
傳教士買(mǎi)鸚鵡A preacher is buying a parrot
A preacher is buying a parrot.
一個(gè)傳教士在買(mǎi)鸚鵡。
"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.
“你確信它不會(huì )尖叫，大叫或詛咒別人嗎?”傳教士問(wèn)。
"Oh absolutely. He's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.
“噢，絕對不會(huì )。它是一只虔誠的鸚鵡。”店主向他保證。
"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."
“你看見(jiàn)它腿上的那些細繩了嗎?當你拉動(dòng)右邊這根，它會(huì )背誦天主經(jīng);當你拉動(dòng)左邊那根，它會(huì )背誦贊美詩(shī)。”
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"
“太棒了!”傳教士說(shuō)，“但是如果我同時(shí)拉動(dòng)兩根繩子，會(huì )發(fā)生什么呢?”
"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.
“我會(huì )從樹(shù)干上掉下去，你這個(gè)笨蛋!”鸚鵡尖聲說(shuō)道。
誰(shuí)才是有色人種
Dear white, something you got to know
親愛(ài)的白種人，有幾件事你必須知道。
When I was born, I was black.
當我出生時(shí)，我是黑色的
When I grow up, I am black.
我長(cháng)大了，我是黑色的
When I’m under the sun, I’m black.
我在陽(yáng)光下，我是黑色的
When I’m cold, I’m black.
我寒冷時(shí)，我是黑色的
When I’m afraid, I’m black.
我害怕時(shí)，我是黑色的
When I’m sick, I’m black.
我生病了，我是黑色的'
When I die, I’m still black.
當我死了，我仍是黑色的。
you—white people,
你——白種人
When you were born, you were pink.
當你出生時(shí)，你是粉紅色的
When you grow up, you become white.
你長(cháng)大了，變成白色的
You’re red under the sun.
你在陽(yáng)光下，你是紅色的
You’re blue when you’re cold.
你寒冷時(shí)，你是青色的
You are yellow when you’re afraid.
你害怕時(shí)，你是黃色的
You’re green when you’re sick.
你生病時(shí)，你是綠色的
You’re gray when you die.
當你死時(shí)，你是灰色的
And you, call me color?
然后，你叫我“有色種人”?
他什么都沒(méi)聽(tīng)到
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?" "I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package but no one was home. My husband was in all morning. He never heard a thing!" After apologizing, I got her parcel. "Oh, good," she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages." "What is it?" I asked. "My husband's new hearing aid."
我在郵局上班，對于顧客們的各種情緒早已習以為常了。所以，有一天當一個(gè)生氣的顧客氣沖沖地來(lái)到我的工作臺時(shí)，我還是非常平靜地問(wèn)她，“有什么問(wèn)題嗎?”“我早上上街了，”女顧客說(shuō)，“我回到家的時(shí)候，我看到一個(gè)卡片，卡片說(shuō)郵遞員要給我們家送包裹，但沒(méi)人在家�？墒俏业恼煞蛘麄�(gè)早上都在家啊。他說(shuō)他什么都沒(méi)聽(tīng)到”。在表示了歉意之后，我把包裹給了她。“噢，太好了”，那位女顧客喜形于色。“我們等這東西都等多少年了!”“是什么好東西?”我問(wèn)。“我丈夫的新助聽(tīng)器”。
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