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新年英語(yǔ)手抄報小笑話(huà)
手抄報是一種可傳閱、可觀(guān)賞、也可張貼的報紙的另一種形式。在學(xué)校，手抄報是第二課堂的一種很好的活動(dòng)形式，具有相當強的可塑性和自由性。手抄報也是一種群眾性的宣傳工具。下面是小編為大家整理的《英語(yǔ)口語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)》，供大家學(xué)習參考！
經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)：Five Months Older大五個(gè)月
The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.
But John's brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy's family name, so when he saw John's papers, he was surprised.
"How old are you?" he said.
"Eighteen, sir," said John.
"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"
"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."
第二次世界大戰開(kāi)始了，約翰想參軍，可他只有十六歲，當時(shí)規定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫給他進(jìn)行體檢時(shí)，他說(shuō)他已經(jīng)十八歲了。
可約翰的哥哥剛入伍沒(méi)幾天，而且也是這個(gè)軍醫給他做的檢查。這位醫生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當他看到約翰的表格時(shí)，感到非常驚奇。
“你多大了?”軍醫問(wèn)。
“十八，長(cháng)官�！奔s翰說(shuō)。
“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”
約翰臉紅了，說(shuō)：“哦，不是，長(cháng)官，我哥哥比我大五個(gè)月�！�
經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)：Give up your seat to a lady給女士讓座
Little Johnny says "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"You've done the right thing," says Mommy.
"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
小強尼說(shuō)：“媽媽?zhuān)裉煸缟虾桶职衷诠?chē)上時(shí)，他叫我讓座給一位女士�！�
媽媽說(shuō)：“你做得很對呀�！�
“但是，媽媽?zhuān)沂亲诎职窒ドw上的�！�
經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)：jump up and down
Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?
Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
媽媽?zhuān)耗銥槭裁床煌５靥咸碌?
湯姆：我剛吃完藥，可我忘了先搖動(dòng)瓶子了
經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)：Put your feet in把腳放進(jìn)去
The school girl was sitting with her feet streched far out into the aisle ,and was busily chewing gum, when the teacher espied her. "Mary !" called the teacher sharply. "Yes,Madam?" questioned the pupil , "Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!"
一個(gè)女學(xué)生坐在座位上，嘴里起勁地嚼著(zhù)口香糖，腳卻伸到課桌間的走道里，被老師發(fā)現了�！艾旣�!”老師嚴厲地叫她�！笆裁词�，老師?”這女學(xué)生問(wèn)�！鞍芽谙闾菑淖炖锬贸鰜�(lái)，把腳放進(jìn)去�！�
經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)：他的耳朵在我衣兜里
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
伊凡鼻子流著(zhù)血回到家里。他媽媽問(wèn)，“發(fā)生了什么事?”
“一個(gè)男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說(shuō)。
“再見(jiàn)到他你能認出來(lái)嗎?”媽媽問(wèn)。
“他走到哪里我都能認出他，”伊凡說(shuō)�！八亩溥�在我衣兜里呢�！�
經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)： 愚蠢的問(wèn)題Stupid Question
Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"
After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.
“Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily.
But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?”
丹在一個(gè)大城市的某個(gè)俱樂(lè )部當守門(mén)人。每天都有數千人經(jīng)過(guò)他的門(mén)口，而且許多人都會(huì )停下來(lái)問(wèn)他:“請問(wèn)現在幾點(diǎn)?”
幾個(gè)月后，丹想:“我不想再回答這些蠢人提出的問(wèn)題了，我要去買(mǎi)一只大鐘，把它掛在這兒的墻上�！庇谑撬I(mǎi)了一只鐘，把它掛在了墻上。
“現在人們總不會(huì )再停下來(lái)問(wèn)我時(shí)間了�！彼吲d地想。
可是打那以后，每天仍有許多人停下來(lái)，看看鐘，然后問(wèn)丹:“這鐘準嗎?”
經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)： Intelligent son 聰明的兒子
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
"Certainly"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why you didn't take it back?"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
有一天,父親讓八歲的兒子去寄一封信,兒子已經(jīng)拿著(zhù)信跑了,父親才想起信封上沒(méi)寫(xiě)地址和收信人的名字。
兒子回來(lái)后,父親問(wèn)他:“你把信丟進(jìn)郵筒了嗎?” “當然”“你沒(méi)看見(jiàn)信封上沒(méi)有寫(xiě)地址和收信人名字嗎?”
“我當然看見(jiàn)信封上什么也沒(méi)寫(xiě)”“那你為什么不拿回來(lái)呢?”
“我還以為你不寫(xiě)地址和收信人,是為了不想讓我知道你把信寄給誰(shuí)呢!”
經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)：我希望您的面包病好了
I was making rolls and, needing a warm place for the dough to rise, put the bowl in a heating pad. Then I left the house on an errand(使命，差事) . When I came back, I found this note from my son: "Dear Mom, I hope your bread gets better."
我在做面包，需要把面團放在一個(gè)暖和點(diǎn)的地方使它發(fā)起來(lái)。我把面盆放在電熱褥里，后來(lái)就出去干別的活去了。等我回家時(shí)，發(fā)現兒子留下一張紙條，上面寫(xiě)著(zhù)：“親愛(ài)的媽媽?zhuān)蚁Ｍ拿姘呀?jīng)病好了�！�
經(jīng)典英語(yǔ)小笑話(huà)：A Present 凱特的禮物
Kate: Mom, do you know what I'm going to give you for your birthday?
Mom: No, Honey, what?
Kate: A nice teapot.
Mom: But I've got a nice teapot.
Kate: No, you haven't. I've just dropped it.
凱特：媽媽?zhuān)阒牢乙o你一件什么生日禮物嗎?
媽媽?zhuān)翰恢�，寶貝，是什么�?
凱特：一把漂亮的茶壺。
媽媽?zhuān)嚎墒俏乙呀?jīng)有一把漂亮的茶壺了呀。
凱特：不，你沒(méi)有了。我剛剛把它給摔了。
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