精選笑翻天的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)
生活需要笑話(huà)，笑話(huà)能愉悅我們的心情，歡迎欣賞精選笑翻天的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)!
精選笑翻天的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)(一)
A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his coke, then tosses it and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up and the rabbit again says, "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!"
The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the hell out of the rabbit. As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"
The lion answers, "He makes me run around the forest like an idiot each time he's on ecstasy!"
有一只小白兔快樂(lè )地奔跑在森林中，在路上它碰到一只正在卷大麻的長(cháng)頸鹿。小白兔看著(zhù)長(cháng)頸鹿說(shuō)道：“長(cháng)頸鹿我的朋友，你為什么要做這種事呢?和我一起在森林中奔跑吧，你會(huì )感覺(jué)心情舒暢很多!”長(cháng)頸鹿看看小白兔，又看看手里的.大麻煙，把大麻煙向身后一扔，跟著(zhù)小白兔在森林中奔跑。
后來(lái)它們遇到一只正準備吸食可卡因的大象，小白兔又對大象說(shuō)：“大象我的朋友，你為什么要做這種事呢?想想自己的健康啊。跟我們一起在這片美麗的森林中奔跑吧，你會(huì )感覺(jué)好很多!”大象看看它們，又看看手中的可卡因，于是把可卡因向身后一扔，跟著(zhù)小白兔和長(cháng)頸鹿一起奔跑。
后來(lái)它們遇到一只正準備注射毒品的獅子，小白兔又對獅子說(shuō)：“獅子我的朋友，你為什么要做這種事呢?想想自己的健康啊!跟我們一起在這片陽(yáng)光明媚的森林中奔跑吧，你會(huì )感覺(jué)如此美好!”
獅子看看小白兔，放下手中的針筒，把小白兔猛揍了一頓。長(cháng)頸鹿和大象被嚇壞了，它們看著(zhù)獅子問(wèn)它：“獅子，你為什么要打小白兔呢?它只是想要幫助我們大家啊!”
獅子回答：“這家伙每次嗑了搖頭丸就拉著(zhù)我像白癡一樣在森林里亂跑!”
精選笑翻天的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)(二)
A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4 p. m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury.
The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited.
After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have they got a verdict yet?"
The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict? Hell, they're still doing nominating speeches for the foreman's position!"
在一個(gè)小城市，一位法官正在審理一起酒后駕車(chē)案件。被告不僅有過(guò)酒后駕車(chē)的記錄，而且聲譽(yù)也不是太好，現在只是缺少一個(gè)陪審團作出裁決。因為已經(jīng)接近下午四點(diǎn)，找個(gè)陪審團來(lái)會(huì )耽誤很多時(shí)間。因此，法官宣布休庭后，就到外面隨便挑選了一些人來(lái)充當陪審團。剛一出門(mén)，他就發(fā)現大 廳剛好有12個(gè)律師，便請求他們充當陪審團。
聽(tīng)了法官的話(huà)，這些律師們認為這將會(huì )是一次新奇的經(jīng)歷，因此，便跟隨法官回到了法庭。不到10分鐘，案子就已接近尾聲，因為被告明顯是有罪的。陪審團回到陪審室進(jìn)行商議，法官就等著(zhù)宣布結果，馬上回家。每個(gè)人都在等待著(zhù)最后的判決。
大概過(guò)了3個(gè)小時(shí)，法官已經(jīng)徹底失去了耐心，便派法警去看看判決為什么耽誤了這么久。當法警回來(lái)后，法官問(wèn)他：“怎么樣?他們是否作出了最后的判決?”
法警搖搖頭說(shuō)：“判決?天啊，他們?yōu)榱送七x陪審團主席，還在進(jìn)行演講呢!”
精選笑翻天的英語(yǔ)笑話(huà)(三)
At the supermarket near our convent I had filled my cart in a hurry and suddenly had an uneasy feeling that I didn't have enough money to pay for all the goods. In desperation I emptied all the items onto the floor and kneeing down, began to add up the prices.
Just then a young supervisor strolled over, bent down and whispered confidentially, "It doesn't matter how hard you pray, sister. We're not reducing the prices."
在我們修道院附近的超市，我急急忙忙地裝了滿(mǎn)滿(mǎn)一推車(chē)的東西。突然之間，我有了一種不安的感覺(jué)：我帶的錢(qián)可能不足以支付所有的商品。無(wú)可奈何之下，我把所有的東西都擺在地板上，跪下來(lái)開(kāi)始把所有東西的價(jià)格加在一起。
正在此時(shí)，一個(gè)年輕的超市管理員走了過(guò)來(lái)。他彎下腰，對我耳語(yǔ)道：“修女，無(wú)論你怎么費勁祈禱，我們現在都不會(huì )降價(jià)。”
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